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Lickmyapp requires no download and encourages users to improve their oral skills with a choice of three different games, you can flick a light switch on and off, turn a crank or go freestyle – where you bounce a beach ball. You also have to remember to wrap your phone for protection first because it’s supposedly crawling with bacteria, yuck.
Platewave bills itself as “the social network for UK drivers” and lets you message anyone, as long as you’ve got their vehicle registration number.
A bit like how Jordan writes all her books, but for sex.
The website markets itself as “dating, done for you” and promises to land you eight dates per month, depending on how much you’re willing to fork out for the service.
Keep an eye on them while you’re hoping they’ll fall miserably out of love with their other half with the handy website
Breakupnotifier does exactly what it says on the tin.
This app measures how well you perform during sex and gives you a rating from 0-10, ten being the highest, zero being very depressing.
Pure is an app for those that want to enjoy Tinder but are too embarrassed or shy to put themselves out there.
Or who just want to hide the evidence that they’re into online hook-ups.
Then you can go online afterwards and see how well you did against the rest of the world – who needs pillow talk anyway?
Do you spend most of your free time staring daggers at the “in a relationship” status on your one-true-love’s Facebook?